Punishments, scolding, shouting, telling off – these are familiar methods that parents and teachers frequently resort to when children start playing up and misbehaving. So much so that we often consider it normal to have to treat our children in this way in order to raise them into the kinds of adults we wish them to become. But are these negative methods really necessary to help teach our children to become healthy and happy individuals? Do we really need to use coercive and intimidating tactics to show our children the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behavior?
These are the questions that millions of parents and teachers are struggling with every day, with varying degrees of success. Many of the methods developed through the years aim to control the behavior of children through an adult-implemented approach, where a system of rules, rewards and punishments is enforced on the child in order to control their behavior. Not only does this kind of system ignore the ability of children to contemplate their own actions and to understand their consequences, it also requires the presence of an adult in order to ensure they are following the agreed-upon rules.
When traditional methods of punishment are used, children often feel rejected, which in turn causes them to stress and block, cutting off the communication between adult and child which is so necessary for their growth.
The system presented in this book will not only offer you a positive approach to working with children, it will also allow your children to understand the consequences of their actions without making them feel rejected or unloved. The advantage of this is that your children will no longer stress and block, thus increasing their capacity to understand the important link between their actions and their consequences. This system is child-centered. This means that the child is provided with the insights and reasoning ability that enable him or her to not only respect but also to understand the boundaries of acceptable behavior.
This system, called The Choices System, is your key to further improving communication with your child, developing confidence and trust, stopping socially unacceptable behavior and using constructive collaboration to solve conflicts. In this way, it will enable you to implement higher standards of behavior and interaction for the children in your care.
This book will show you how The Choices System works and how to implement it with the children in your own particular environment. As you start to implement the system, you will see how it raises the level of mutual trust and confidence between you and the children, how it boosts the children’s self-esteem by helping them take responsibility for their own actions and how their general reasoning and decision-making abilities develop faster than ever before.
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